So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
