At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
