i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
