Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I can text with my tongue
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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