If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
