Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
