Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
