it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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