did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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