How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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