god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
