I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize