who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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