I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
