My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
