Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
