Your mouth is God's brothel.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
