Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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