I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
