This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
