Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize