I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize