It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
