Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
