Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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