So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
