I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
