THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
