Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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