shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
