his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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