This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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