Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
