Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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