Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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