You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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