you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
