gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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