Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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