Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i barfeds in our rink
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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