mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize