When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
