i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
