if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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