who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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