Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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