took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
