No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
