Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
