i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
