dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
50% drunk capacity currently
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Is Oprah even human
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
