Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize