Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
