You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
