He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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