How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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