I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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