I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
BRING THE BAGELS
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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