On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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