I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
