3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
