After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
