Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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