your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
