First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
