Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
