No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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