Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I have post one night stand depression
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