So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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