the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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